GIRL I’M PREGNANT.
I’m not going to go on and on about this blog and how much I miss it because duh of course.
There’s gonna be a ton of these tiny little outbursts for the next OH I DUNNO SIX MONTHS AND SOME ODD WEEKS.
But for now? Here’s what’s happened so far.
Napkin and I went on this amazing cruise with a ton of friends because our buddies Dee and Cee were getting married. A cruise ship wedding is truly a gift for EVERYONE involved, I’d like to add. I mean, have you ever been to a wedding that supplied you with four days worth of pina coladas and french fries?
Napkin and I have been trying to get pregnant for a little while but things have been the opposite of easy. I’ve had a bunch of issues that I’ll save for another post but we were just beginning to think that maybe parenthood wasn’t in the stars for us right now. BUT JUST TO BE SAFE. I took a pregnancy test before we left because the cruise was gonna go through the Caribbean and Zika and all that. You get it. Also booze.
Test is totally negative.
We’re good to go! Let’s party!
And we do! We party HARD.
We get back, we say goodbye to everyone and we start buckling down for the Christmas holiday.
Every year, Napkin’s family has this tradition where we all go to this cabin and celebrate with everybody the weekend before Christmas. It’s wonderful, we eat tons of food, we give everybody hugs and so on.
This year, Napkin’s nephew took a bus from his college in the mountains to stay with us for a couple of days before we all headed that way. SO THE MORNING WE ARE SUPPOSED TO LEAVE TO GO TO THIS CABIN.
I’m like “huh!” and decide to take a pregnancy test because almost a month has passed since the last time I had my period.
GIRL THAT TEST CAME BACK POSITIVE IN THIRTY SECONDS. There was no faint second line. There was no three minute wait.
It was like “OBVIOUSLY.”
So I panic. I start pacing the house. Napkin is working from home that day and on a conference call. I keep pacing back and forth in front of his office trying to get his attention but also trying REALLY hard to act like everything is fine. He looks over. His eyes get wide.
“Are you okay?’
“Y…yeah. I’m fine! Everything is fine.”
“…Do you need me to hang up this phone call right now?”
He hangs up.
I show him this.
We both freak out. He says, “We need to stop eating so many preservatives.” Then I cry and he loses all color in his face and we laugh and hug. Then I run off to call my doctor to get a confirmation test.
When I call my doctor I explain that I need to know, for sure, that day. I couldn’t possibly travel and be around all of Napkin’s family and NOT KNOW for sure. They give me an appointment for a few hours later.
So I spend the next few hours internally screaming. THIS WHOLE TIME NAPKIN’S NEPHEW IS IN MY HOUSE WONDERING WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME.
Because we were traveling that weekend, we were going to board Wilbur with my sister. (She works at an animal hospital up the road from us. Did you know she lives near me now? Now you know.)
The boarding place is two shakes from my doctor’s office so I have the bright idea of going to drop Wilbur off before I head to the doctor. I walk in the door. My sister is there.
“Hey! …Are you okay?”
I start crying and tell her everything. (happytears.jpg)
We basically throw Wilbur in a crate and tear out the door. Sissy straight up LEAVES her job to go to the doctor with me, hahaha.
We get to the doctor’s office. I pee into a cup. We are waiting. My doctor’s nurse (who is just wonderful) comes back and says,
“GIRL YOU ARE PREGNANT.”
And then we all cry. A TON. (lotsofhappytears.jpg)
The rest of the day is a blur. I take my sister back to her job. I love on Wilbur for a little while and give him a proper goodbye. I drive home. I tell Napkin that I am, in fact, forreal pregnant. We celebrate. We are terrified. So is Napkin’s nephew who still has no idea what is going on.
The real kicker is that THAT SAME DAY we have to travel and go to this cabin with all of Napkin’s family! We are surrounded by all of the people that know us best and we CAN’T SAY A WORD! I spend my entire time there walking away suddenly to cry or dance a little. I act like a complete and utter weirdo. I watch Beyonce videos and sob, happily, in the bathroom.
Christmas comes. We are surrounded by our family. And we can’t tell anyone! We can’t say a word! It was the weirdest, happiest Christmas of my life!
GIRL I AM PREGNANT!!!