I laughed way too hard when the whole “basic bitch” meme started revolving around Pumpkin Spice Lattes.
Memes were all over the place, there were plenty of “Basic White Girl” articles and lists on Buzzfeed…so I was sure EVERYONE knew the joke and certainly EVERYONE loved it as much as I did. I also love a pumpkin spice latte! I can avoid Starbucks in the summer– it’s not a hard thing for me to do– but something about the weather getting colder makes me want a hot cup of coffee in my hand at all times. And I would prefer it to be orange tinted and full of sugar and whipped cream.
Onto my story:
It was one of those insane days at the theater where we had two shows. This means we are at work for an average of ten, sometimes eleven hours. We get a little break in between the two shows and I decided to head over to a Starbucks that’s on the ocean front. It wasn’t too TOO cold yet– so I felt like I would be able to stand in the shade of all the ugly, monstrous hotels and not freeze to death while looking at the water. …While sipping on a pumpkin spice latte, of course.
So I walk in the door and it’s just me and the barista. She looks OVER it. “I’ll cheer her up,” I think! I walk up to her, say hello and then chuckle and say, “I’d like a basic bitch latte!”
The most awkward silence happens. Nothing. Not a smile. Absolutely nothing happens.
She sort of gives me this face:
I clear my throat and order a pumpkin spice latte with skim milk. No whip cream. I run screaming as soon as the little cardboard sleeve is put on the cup.
This only deterred my love of all things pumpkin spice for a little while. I found some pumpkin scented candle thing at TJ Maxx and started burning it every day– and all was right in the world once again. Which brings me to the point of this whole post!
There are a ton of pumpkin recipes out there– and this is a tried and true addition. My sissy and little brother decided to do a little overnight visit the Sunday after Thanksgiving and I wanted something sweet for them when they got there. Sissy is working in a bar now, so they didn’t get to Murl Beach until, like, four in the morning. Cookies on the counter were the way to go! And everyone loved them!
I went through this phase where I wanted to perfect the healthy cookie (which is really stupid of me, because I can’t even perfect the normal cookie) so I kept this recipe straight and easy. And if pumpkin-y, chocolate-y, cake-y cookies are your thing… then you will love these. (We did!)
Pumpkin Chocolate Chip Cookies
1 cup (two sticks) unsalted butter, softened
1 cup white sugar
1 cup brown sugar
2 large eggs
1 tsp vanilla extract
1 cup canned pumpkin puree
3 cups all purpose flour
2 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
2 tsp pumpkin pie spice (or basic bitch spice)
2 cups (or the whole damn bag) dark chocolate chips
nonstick cooking spray or parchment paper
Heat oven to 350 degrees. Spray cookie sheet or line with parchment paper. Using a mixer, beat the butter until smooth. Beat in brown then white sugars, a little at a time, until the mixture is light and fluffy. Beat the eggs in, one at a time, then mix in the vanilla and pumpkin puree. In a large bowl, whisk together the flour, baking soda, salt, pumpkin pie spice (basic bitch spice). Once mixed, slowly beat the flour mixture into the batter (in thirds works well.) Stir in the chocolate chips. (THE WHOLE DAMN BAG!!) Scoop the cookie dough, by the heaping tablespoonful, onto the prepared cookie sheets and bake for 15-20 minutes. (I did pretty big spoonfuls and baked for 22 minutes for reference) …until the edges are browned. Remove from oven, let cool for two minutes and then place on wire racks to cook completely. Makes two dozen.
Have at it! Basic bitch cookies for all the yoga pants ladies in your life!
You’re going to have over half a can of pumpkin puree left. Here’s what I did with it!
BASIC BITCH OVERNIGHT OATS (for the health conscious Uggs wearer)
1/2 cup unsweetened almond/coconut/whatever milk
1/2 cup oats
2 TB pumpkin puree
2 tsp maple syrup
1/4 tsp vanilla extract
1/4 tsp basic bitch spice (you know what that means by now)
flax seed/walnuts/etc. if you want some crunch
Mix all ingredients together in a tupperware container and put in the refrigerator over night (or at least eight hours.) Mix well, add a little more milk if you need it for consistency and voila! Breakfast on the go!
Enjoy y’all! And Happy Holidays!